….someone runs over your cat?
….someone steals your Sunday paper?
….someone flips you off because you beeped at them to let them know the light is green?
….a creepy guy follows you around the supermarket with an empty shopping cart?
….fake flowers blow out of the cemetary on a windy day?
….your Mom calls you and says, “Your brother is a child molester.”
Now do you see where this thread is going? Truthfully it is all about the last question. My Mom is in her late 70′s, she has already had a serious stroke and although she’s in fairly good health, bad news hits her hard. She is beside herself with grief, perhaps even some guilt, questioning her parental abilities and responsibilities.
Let me say this, my brother is 45 years old. Any responsibility on my mother’s part ended when my brother turned 21. She has absolutely no reason to feel guilty OR responsible. She raised 7 children, 2 of which have serious addiction problems**, the other 5 turned out just fine.
**drugs, alcohol, sex, and apparently child pornography/sex abuse. [Alleged!!]
Short history [which will probably turn out to be lengthy]
My brother, the 6th child, first son. He is 45 years old, he has spent approximately ten [10] of those years in prison, for various offenses. He is a liar and a thief. He has always been, since he was a little kid, it’s just a part of who he is. Personally, I couldn’t say if he ever stole anything from me, I am sure he has, he just didn’t get caught or it wasn’t a big deal so I don’t remember it [MS affects long term memory] My Dad was an alcoholic, he drank off and on throughout our childhood, he was also a devout catholic. So you can see the family dynamics here, your Dad gets drunk, beats on his kids, pushes his wife around all week long, then Sunday morning comes, we all get spit-shined and dressed in our Sunday best and head off to church to ask a God who remains both invisible and invincible to forgive us for our sins. Then we go home and Dad gets drunk and beats his kids again…sometimes it started right back up in the car on the way home from church.
Why would a loving forgiving God allow that to happen?? My father was a seminary student, studying to enter the priesthood when he met and married my mother, a young divorcee with a little girl.
Let me say this in my Dad’s honor. He died in 1997 and he was very close to his 25th year anniversary of his sobriety. The sober man and the mean drunk were two completely different people, and I loved the sober man with all my heart.
Okay, back to my brother. He was raised in the same house, by the same parents, with the same siblings, all the same abuse, the problems…everything was the same. So how come he is accused of being a child molester?? That makes me sick to my stomach. It sickens me to a depth that I don’t even understand, it’s repulsive and evil and it scares the hell out of me. It also hurts me deeply because a brother who I have loved for 45 years is being accused of doing something that I do not believe he is capable of. It hurts me even more because SOME family members have chosen to believe the accusations are true, no questions, no proof required, just ‘hang the bastard’ Even with all of his problems and his shady past, doesn’t he at the very least deserve the benefit of doubt??
I sit here and shed tears as I write this. Why would I want to write about this? You may be asking yourself that question. The answer is, writing is therapeutic for me. I communicate, that’s what I do. I talk, I write, I listen. I am a published author, a poet and an excellent converationalist. I need to discuss problems/issues to come to a greater understanding or a compromise or to find a solution.
I do not know what to do next. My brother called me yesterday morning, I didn’t know what had happened when I spoke to him. I found out a few minutes later when I called our Mom. She told me that my brother, whom I have loved my whole life, my brother, has been accused of sexual abuse [exposing himself] of his girlfriend’s 2 youngest daughters ages 4 & 9 and the 9 year old’s best friend. WTF???
How could he do that?? He knows how it makes you feel to be abused. To be victimized. To be taken advantage of by an adult. To lose your innocence. How could he do that??
The real question should be;
Did he do that?
So now I am in a quandry as to what is my next step? I know he will call me, it’s just a matter of time. I don’t really understand this, but for whatever reason or reasons unknown, I am the ‘safe haven’, I am also the whistleblower. So if one of the two most dysfunctional siblings does something wrong or gets into trouble, they always come to me, or they call me. It’s like I have this HUGE Truth Magnet and they sense it. They tell me all the horrible, perverted, disruptive details and I pass it on. That is what I do! I TELL THE TRUTH! Perhaps it is not for me to understand, just for me to obey[?]
I have to tell my brother that I don’t kno w who to believe. Why would a 4 year old lie? How COULD a 4 year old lie about sexual things? They cannot, they don’t have the knowledge. They can, if they’ve been coached. [happens all the time folks]
I just spoke to my Mom [I have hi-speed DSL] and she told me there are 2 more girls involved…the 14 year old sister of the 4 & 9 year olds and one of her friends.
But then I realized that my mother’s source for all of this new information is my seriously dysfunctional, recovering alcoholic/drug addict/thief/liar of a sister…So who am I to believe? Should I believe either one of them? In my opinion they both lie more than they tell the truth…no offense meant, it’s just a truthful statement. And here I sit, between the two, loving them both but not trusting either one of them as far as I can spit!
Do you know how hard it is for me to believe these children? How hard it is to turn my back on my brother? To call him a liar and a pervert. To tell him I never want to see him again, as long as I live. Because I believe there is no hope for a pedophile, they cannot be rehabilitated or reformed or retaught. They are sick and it is as much a part of who they are as their eyeballs or their tonsils. Does he belong in prison where he can not hurt another child ever again?? Or…is he being falsely accused??
I WANT to believe my brother. Mostly because if the allegations were proved to be true I would have to question everything I believe in, but also because I love my brother and I don’t want to turn my back on him…he’s my brother.
